I’ve started frequenting one of those “meetup” sites. Of course, I get some… weird messages. What else to do but share?
Message from user Runner, who described himself in one sentence: “I like oysters.”
Runner: Do you kiss?
Me: I have two kids. You do the math.
Runner: I'm not reall good with math, but what does kissing have to do with kids? Oh, you kiss them. Would you kiss me? Do you count kisses?
Me: Let's use baseball analogies instead of math.
--First Base- Kissing.
--Second Base- Tongue kissing, breast feeling, or outside the clothes genital contact.
--Third Base- Usually this was a hand down the pants of you or your partner.
--Home Run- This was ALWAYS sex.
Therefore, since I have slid across home plate at least twice in my life (leading to the aforementioned kids) it only stands to reason that I kiss, because one can't get to home plate without first passing first base.
I rarely kiss my kids anymore. They are teenagers. It's not popular.
I would not kiss you. I don't know you.
Count kisses? Maybe in grade school. One tends to lose count after that.
Runner: jeepers, well if you knew me could we do any of the first, second or third base stuff. Some people might go straight to a home run without the other babes. I bet you are a lovely kisser. You've got great lips. Get to know me.
Me: Simply knowing you would not suffice. I would have to like you as well.
As for going straight to home plate - don't you know anything about baseball? Home runs don't count unless you round the bases.
I'm glad you like my lips. I am a good kisser.
If you want me to get to know you, you'll have to offer up some details beyond your kissing addiction.
Stay tuned for the next installment!!