I like to get in Yahoo chat rooms from time to time and chat a bit. But when you're female, you're bound to get the not-so-occasional sex freak who wants to... well, use your imagination. It used to annoy the heck out of me. I mean, who do they think they're fooling with the 69 in their usernames? But I started looking forward to getting messages from weirdos. Why? Because they're so darn fun to mess with! And of course, you just can't keep insanity like that to yourself, so... for your viewing pleasure:

TRANSCRIPTS OF CONVERSATIONS BETWEEN MYSELF AND UNWITTING YAHOO USERS

Note: Names have been changed to protect the "not so innocent".



   

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Sunday, March 19, 2006

Baseball and Oysters

I’ve started frequenting one of those “meetup” sites.  Of course, I get some… weird messages.  What else to do but share?

 

Message from user Runner, who described himself in one sentence:  “I like oysters.”

 

Runner:  Do you kiss?

 

Me:  I have two kids. You do the math.

Runner: I'm not reall good with math, but what does kissing have to do with kids? Oh, you kiss them. Would you kiss me? Do you count kisses?

 

Me:  Let's use baseball analogies instead of math.

--First Base- Kissing.

--Second Base- Tongue kissing, breast feeling, or outside the clothes genital contact.

--Third Base- Usually this was a hand down the pants of you or your partner.

--Home Run- This was ALWAYS sex.

Therefore, since I have slid across home plate at least twice in my life (leading to the aforementioned kids) it only stands to reason that I kiss, because one can't get to home plate without first passing first base.

I rarely kiss my kids anymore. They are teenagers. It's not popular.

I would not kiss you. I don't know you.

Count kisses? Maybe in grade school. One tends to lose count after that.

 

Runner:  jeepers, well if you knew me could we do any of the first, second or third base stuff. Some people might go straight to a home run without the other babes. I bet you are a lovely kisser. You've got great lips. Get to know me.

 

Me:  Simply knowing you would not suffice. I would have to like you as well.

As for going straight to home plate - don't you know anything about baseball? Home runs don't count unless you round the bases.

I'm glad you like my lips. I am a good kisser.

If you want me to get to know you, you'll have to offer up some details beyond your kissing addiction.

 

Stay tuned for the next installment!!


Posted at 10:11 pm by Rowan

steve
March 21, 2006   11:11 AM PST
 
lmao. what does kissing have to do with kids lmao thats funny


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