I like to get in Yahoo chat rooms from time to time and chat a bit. But when you're female, you're bound to get the not-so-occasional sex freak who wants to... well, use your imagination. It used to annoy the heck out of me. I mean, who do they think they're fooling with the 69 in their usernames? But I started looking forward to getting messages from weirdos. Why? Because they're so darn fun to mess with! And of course, you just can't keep insanity like that to yourself, so... for your viewing pleasure:

TRANSCRIPTS OF CONVERSATIONS BETWEEN MYSELF AND UNWITTING YAHOO USERS

Note: Names have been changed to protect the "not so innocent".



   

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Rowan
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Sunday, May 15, 2005

I'm so SEXY!

dcw (8:38:05 PM): Hi
rowan (8:38:22 PM): Hello.
dcw (8:38:34 PM): How are you?
rowan (8:39:02 PM): Mediocre. How are you?
dcw (8:41:38 PM): OK
dcw (8:41:46 PM): How was your day?
rowan (8:42:39 PM): Dehumanizing. How was yours?
dcw (8:43:26 PM): Not bad
dcw (8:43:38 PM): Got any other pic's?

Hold on.  I said my day was dehumanizing, and he just goes on to ask for more pics?  He probably doesn't even know the definition of dehumanizing. 

rowan (8:44:01 PM): Something wrong with the one that's there?
dcw (8:44:18 PM):
rowan (8:45:17 PM): If you have to think about it, then the answer must be yes.
dcw (8:46:29 PM): It is animated
rowan (8:47:02 PM): Ever thought about looking at my profile?
dcw (8:48:21 PM): I have
dcw (8:48:23 PM): Sexy
rowan (8:48:41 PM): My profile is sexy?
dcw (8:49:09 PM): Your PIC IS!
rowan (8:49:18 PM): I wasn't trying to be sexy.
dcw (8:49:32 PM):
dcw (8:54:06 PM):

I was going to start ignoring him here, because I had better things to do, but The Boychild took over to annoy dcw further.

rowan (9:15:17 PM): Sexy, huh?
dcw (9:15:25 PM): yesssssssssssssss
dcw (9:15:26 PM): yesssssssssssssss
dcw (9:15:27 PM): yesssssssssssssss

Captain, man overboard.

rowan (9:15:34 PM): You like sexy?
dcw (9:15:59 PM): YES
rowan (9:16:37 PM): You sure you are looking at the right message window?
dcw (9:16:58 PM): The pic on your profile is HOT!
rowan (9:17:33 PM): Don't know if it's just me, but I seem to find that when typing a sentence, I capitalize only what needs to be.
dcw (9:18:00 PM):
rowan (9:18:42 PM): Need to shave? Or just thinking too hard? Be careful. Don't want you to spill your brains over a simple statement.
dcw (9:19:01 PM):
rowan (9:19:14 PM): Stop? As in.. No more talking?
rowan (9:19:25 PM): Are you cutting me off?? Cause I like ham!
rowan (9:19:47 PM): Hairy ham, now that's sexy.
rowan (9:22:13 PM): Since you are indeed cutting me off, I would like to state yet another simple thing. Sending multiple messages that relate to being called sexy is rather amusing at first. Even accepted as something of enjoyment. But whenever you send the messages constantly.. Sorry, trying to calm down. But this darn pimple on my forehead is throbbing out of control. I suggest you slow your roll. And eat it.
rowan (9:32:05 PM): That's also kind of like that Weird Al song. Just eat it. You know? He talks about ham. He says, "Ham on.. Ham on. Ham on whole wheat." He's one of my many role models. Alright. So like I say. If you're going somewhere. You had better be running. Cause you never know what you are going to get. Unless you look underneath the box.
rowan (10:13:35 PM): Why did you stop talking to me? Is it because I have 12 toes?
rowan (10:14:35 PM): Are you ignoring me?
rowan (10:14:40 PM): If you are ignoring me, press 12.
rowan (10:14:42 PM): For my toes.


Posted at 07:04 pm by Rowan



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